“Who he?” they think… I feel really bad when faced with captions with no names. I can’t put a name to him, sorry (help?). The location looks like Fairfield Halls in Croydon.
Interesting to note the coy: “f***ing”. We didn’t normally used asterisks. We didn’t normally use words which might have needed them (although the readers were allowed more freedom in the classified adverts). I was always pleased when parents and the like were offended by ‘bad language’ which wasn’t actually there. It meant we had managed to get the tone right. Asterisks would have meant we were unable to sound right without relying on specific words. Mind you, sometimes we mucked things up.
Prelims: Run 1 — Do the tricks you learnt off the videos, leaving a few of the more difficult ones out. Smile a lot. Cover the whole course. Run 2 — Do the tricks you learnt off the videos in a different order and include the more difficult ones. Also something stark-bollock stupid, eg start by dropping in off the bank to wall and finish by Ollieing a barrier into the crowd.
Semis: Run 1 — Do ALL the tricks you learnt off the videos, plus your new railslide trick. Run 2 — Do ALL the tricks you learnt off the videos. Concentrate on flatland stuff. At the end do your new railslide trick followed by your new quarter pipe one.
Finals: Run 1 — Start with your now-famous railslide variation. Do all the tricks you learnt off the video. Finish with your new handrail. Run 2 — Do every f***ing thing you know.
After you’ve mapped this out and planned each run sleep tight.
Day 29: Friday, 19th July Today you must practise and practise again. Yet you must deceive. The buzz must not get out that you are the raddest. When people session one thing, slyly session another. When you see someone do something you can do to revert, stand still, clap, and shout “No Way!” Ask fellow pros odd questions like “What wheels are they?” You know you can do it, but don’t be tempted to bust out in this or any other practice run — it blows your cover, ruins your novelty value and tarnishes you in the judges’ eyes. Practise humility: your day of glory is nearly here.
Day 30: Saturday, 20th July The prelims are today. During your first run the crowd and the judges wonder about you. You don’t look right: your clothes are tatty, your shoes have holes — there is natural sympathy for you. You are wearing a silly but stylish hat and you have a strange grin on your face. “Who he?” they think