Oh here is one for the historians and completists out there: a list of dates for skateboard competitions in 1991. Although I personally disliked all the competitive stuff, I was very keen on the idea of sharing information and pages like this seemed important to me. I think many other people thought they were a complete waste of space.
This was at a time when the notion of skateboarders and skateboard events within the Soviet Union seemed very novel and so I would have been particularly delighted to list those.

APRIL
27-28 Kharkov, USSR: Slalom
28 Botley, England: Bowl and street

MAY
18-19 Dublin, Ireland: Squeez AES Street & vert
18-19 Riga, Latvia: Street, mini, slalom & freestyle
25-27 Various, UK: Santa Cruz demo tour
25-27 Milton Keynes, England: Leisureworld ramp demo

JUNE
1 Leigh on Sea: Bowlriding
1-5 Various, UK: Vision demo tour
22-23 Livingston, Scotland: Pure Fun Weekend
28-30 Leningrad, USSR: Slalom
20 or 23-4? Turin, Italy: Slalom, downhill, freestyle
Date? Bulgaria: Street & freestyle
Date Charleroi, Belgium: Street, vert?

JULY
6-7 Swansea, Wales: Vert
7-14 UK, Various: Powell demo tour
13 Southsea, England: SUAS vert
14 Shrewsbury, England: Mini, vert
18-21 Münster, Germany: WM Street, vert, freestyle
24-27 Le Grand Bornand, France: street, vert, freestyle
Date? Antwerp, Belgium: Nike Air Attack
Date? Paris, France: Trocadero mini?

AUGUST
24-26 Coventry, England: Vert
31-1 (Sept) Hombrechtikon, Switzerland: Slalom

SEPTEMBER
7-8 Saratov, USSR: Slalom
Date? (End of Month) Austria: AES

OCTOBER
25-27 Copenhagen, Denmark: AES Final

NOVEMBER
23-24 Switzerland: AES

My, Wingy has definitely improved and was skating really well. In the picture he’s doing a varial tail-grab. He did plenty more: mellies to fakie, long feeble grinds, big Indy air (wearing a big helmet).
Mike Manzouri skated fast and smooth with frontside rock-slide, backside lipslide, killer nose bones and, as you can tell from the picture, big melanchollies. Unfortunately Mike was so stoked by Jocke’s skating that he wacked the coping too hard with his board in applause and broke his truck. He had to borrow Laja’s board for the rest of the final. Mad. Neil Danns went very high and very fast and was very good. Frontside hand-plants, rad stalefish and this weird kind of Christ air to tail thingy. He got fourth place.
The picture I’ve chosen of Rocker is a 360° varial to fakie. He got a well deserved third. He did a lot of tricks, leaving you thinking “I didn’t know he could do that…” But he could. He did nose grinds, tail grabs, mute to fakie, fakie 360° Ollie one foot, mellies to fakie and a lot more.
Yeah: that’s a rad picture of Jocke. A backside nose bone, isn’t it? Jocke’s name was a name on everyone’s lips that weekend because of his big, big backside Ollie tail grabs, backside nose grinds and method air to fakie. And yes, he does McTwists. Jocke rules.
Pete Dossett won, and not a soul complained. He skated so well with mind and leg bending tweakness. He’s the best vert skater in England, easily stalling inverts for so long, tweaking airs this way and that, doing 360° varials, doing body varials, basically just doing so much. Oh my God: he nearly made a 720°, landing then falling off. So rad.
The competition finished, people collected the prizes Death Box had donated and even the mini was sessioned. Everything ended so fast. But so what? So long…
RESULTS
Under 16
1 Sean Ward
2 Carl Shipman
3 Chris Hudson
4 Dave Ashton
5 Warren McReady
6 Jock Milne
Over 16
1 Pete Dossett
2 Jocke Olson
3 Rocker
4 Neil Danns
5 Mike Manzouri
6 Wingy
7 Andy Williams
8 Stuart Hoyle

Hello, and welcome to another comp report. I guess you’ve probably already had a look at the photos dotted around the page and now, in a fit of depression and despair, have decided to sit down and look at the boring part: the words. So let’s talk about the pictures instead.
You may have already noticed that although the comp took place at the Goshen Leisure Centre in Bury, there aren’t any photos of skating on the mini. Yep, something happened that hasn’t happened on British soil for a while: there was a vert contest.
The stage was set: Bury, indoors — on a very wet (hailstones) Sunday in March. There were two sections: the under 16s and over 16s. The surprise of the event was the under 16 class. Take a look at that picture of Sean Ward doing a rad fakie stand-up grind to fakie. Sean has to be one of the most dramatically improved skaters around, plucking amazing tricks from the air for his competition runs — trickery like fakie to nose-grind tail grabs, manual rolls, frontside one-foot tail grabs and lip slides. He skated really solid and certainly deserved to win.
What about that picture of Carl Shipman preparing to go to tail with this backside melanchollie to tail? Carl got second in the under 16. He skated really well, making fakie one foot tail-grab and alley-oop backside Smith, doing everything smooth and clean. In third place was Chris Hudson. He could have placed higher, but fell off a few times. From his bag of tricks came chink-chinks, melanchollies, Ollie blunts, ollie nose-stall tail grab and he came real close to 360° varials.
The over 16 section saw some real good skating, as you can probably tell from these photos. Some people didn’t do as well in the results as they did on the ramp, mentioning no names (Davy Philip). In the fine tradition of comp results, I’ll work through them in reverse order. Stuart Hoyle surprised everyone with his relaxed and fast antics, pulling newest deals, smith grinds, nose grinds and G-turn lipslides.
Check out that rad picture of Andy Williams doing the frontside nose bone. Andy had some real rad stuff, but couldn’t get it together at the end. But he still did some rad stunts like half-Cab Ollie blunts, nose grinds, feeble grinds, Madonnas and fakie 360° Ollies.
Justin Ashby does good relaxed frontside rocks. He skated fast, shooting around the masonite jungle. Oh yeah: everyone liked his shoes.

In your second preliminary run you begin to make an impression — you become the one who did the silly things “Gosh, what stark-bollock stupid things he did in his silly but stylish hat.” Your skating will have been of an acceptable standard — no better and no worse than anybody else — but you stood out, you have an identity: the skater in the silly but stylish hat who did the stark-bollock stupid things.
The judges saw 70 skaters today, but they remember you. You entertained. You got noticed. You’re in the semis tomorrow.
That night, play the part of the “nutter”. Go to nightclubs, dance on tables; steal a bike and ride it through the railway station while being chased by guards. Endear yourself to all and sundry.
You’re there: Sunday 21st July The semis aren’t until the early afternoon so have a lie-in, sleep off the hangover and then saunter down to the hall. About ten minutes before the semis start someone will come up and ask what music you want for your two runs. Casually take your cassingle out of the your Walkman and say “play side A of that, please”. This will look cool, but you will be acting clever. A credible, clap-able chart song is ideal for your coming runs. The German crowd will clap along to it and probably half-mouth the words as they’ve been hearing it on the radio for the last two weeks solid.
In the first semi-final run you will be skating well: you are doing your trick-list, covering the course, and, after your antics yesterday, the judges and the crowd will have become endeared to you. You must not fall off, and you must go fast and flow. Your railslide variation will get a cheer from the crowd. “Gosh,” the judges will think, “he’s not just a loveable guy, he can skate as well.”
Run Two: Your finish gets a loud loveable cheer, the new railslide wows them again, but the thing you did on the quarter-pipe gets them off their seats. When you finish, run out like you’ve never made that trick before. Smile from ear to ear, and wink at the judges as you leave the arena to cheers.
The crowd are on your side: you are a tatty nobody with a silly but stylish hat, they liked your music and they liked your skating. The judges are on your side. You’re in the final.
Take a break, get away from all the hurly-burly — go and hide in the toilet. Imagine you’re back in the swimming pool. You’re coming up for air; you’re floating high into fluffy pink clouds; you’re on in ten minutes.
Go to the DJ and tell him that for the finals “Oh, just play side B of the tape, please”. That sounds really cool: he likes you, too. The “Black Arabs” Sex Pistols medley is something special for this, your special moment. It will appeal to both the funkers and the punkers alike. Few will have heard this version, but everybody will know the words, and, boy, can you clap to it.
Finals. Run One: You’re on it, this time you’re on it. The new handrail at the end hits the hall like an orgasm. One more run and you’re there.
Last Run: This is the clincher. Everyone wants to see your three new tricks. They love them. Let them know they’re coming: stall for three seconds before going into each of them. But what’s this? Right at the end you fall off! Huh? Matt Hensley didn’t fall off…
But you go straight into the two new dork tricks you learnt the other week. Uproar! The crowd go ape! He’s such a cool guy! They want to marry you! The judges want your children!
You throw your silly but stylish hat in the air. You have won Münster. In 30 days you have become the world’s greatest street skater. Ed Templeton, Andy Howell, Ron Allen, Frankie Hill and Matt Hensley (???check names???) all carry you shoulder high.
You go up to collect first prize. You give Titus’ ponytail a gentle tug: it’s real — it’s all real. A tear comes to your eye. You’ve done it. The world’s a better place.

Prelims: Run 1 — Do the tricks you learnt off the videos, leaving a few of the more difficult ones out. Smile a lot. Cover the whole course. Run 2 — Do the tricks you learnt off the videos in a different order and include the more difficult ones. Also something stark-bollock stupid, eg start by dropping in off the bank to wall and finish by Ollieing a barrier into the crowd.
Semis: Run 1 — Do ALL the tricks you learnt off the videos, plus your new railslide trick. Run 2 — Do ALL the tricks you learnt off the videos. Concentrate on flatland stuff. At the end do your new railslide trick followed by your new quarter pipe one.
Finals: Run 1 — Start with your now-famous railslide variation. Do all the tricks you learnt off the video. Finish with your new handrail. Run 2 — Do every f***ing thing you know.
After you’ve mapped this out and planned each run sleep tight.
Day 29: Friday, 19th July Today you must practise and practise again. Yet you must deceive. The buzz must not get out that you are the raddest. When people session one thing, slyly session another. When you see someone do something you can do to revert, stand still, clap, and shout “No Way!” Ask fellow pros odd questions like “What wheels are they?” You know you can do it, but don’t be tempted to bust out in this or any other practice run — it blows your cover, ruins your novelty value and tarnishes you in the judges’ eyes. Practise humility: your day of glory is nearly here.
Day 30: Saturday, 20th July The prelims are today. During your first run the crowd and the judges wonder about you. You don’t look right: your clothes are tatty, your shoes have holes — there is natural sympathy for you. You are wearing a silly but stylish hat and you have a strange grin on your face. “Who he?” they think

Next Page: How to be the Worlds Greatest Street Skater – You are Now the Worlds Greatest Street Skater

Day 28: Thursday, 18th July Off to Münster. On the journey play the cassingle (with it’s new “Black Arabs” B side) over and over again in your Walkman. Get those tunes in your head, know every beat.
That evening you will arrive at Münster. Go straight to the Sports Hall, then straight to registration. Münster is an all professional affair now. You are not a professional. You are not even an amateur. You don’t even receive stickers from your local shop. You’re just a guy with a goal. But no matter how rad you are, your goal will not be achieved unless you get to enter. Deception is called for.
Go to the reception room. Ask, in your convincing Irish accent, to register for the street competition. They will be wary; they will want to know where you’re from and who you skate for. Tell them you’re from Ireland and a pro on “Shamrock Skates”. Your name will float around the office, somebody will have heard it yesterday and they will feel comfortable with it. They will have no other professional from Ireland entering, they want this to be an “international” event and you’re giving them another country to add to the list. They will let you enter.
Go down to the street course immediately. Stare at it. If you get a chance, session it. However, if there are other people there (and there will be) do not under any circumstances skate rad. Skate adequately, limit yourself to a few of your first set of tricks and suss the course. After a while go sit in the stand and draw a plan of the course. Examine the the perimeter of the course as well for crowd barriers and other objects.
Now is the time you must think. You are tired from your journey, but you must use this time. You must not go out, find friends and party. Study the course, work out lines and see if any of the perimeter objects can be used as well? Where can you do the tricks you know for greatest effect? Is there a weird object there? Something most people will shine, but which you could use if you thought hard enough about it? Skate around again, suss the course, know every inch, feel every inch. But don’t pay too much attention to that weird object and definitely don’t try to skate any perimeter object you’ve spotted.
That night you must make a lot of preparations. First find out the format of the competition as well as all the times. Work out how many runs you will need to win. Remember you must not qualify in first place (this isn’t cool), so the following will be appropriate.
You will be skating two runs in the prelims, two runs in the semis and two runs in the final. So you will need six separate runs — you’ll be using the same group of tricks in each one, but you’re not going to win with tramlines. Go to the press room and photocopy your plan of the course five times. Find a quiet corner and draw up your six runs. It should run something like this.

Next Page: How to be the Worlds Greatest Street Skater – Today you must Practice and Practice Again

This was one of my favourite Gavin Hills articles in R.a.D. In fact it remains one of my favourite pieces in the whole history of the magazine. Pure self-indulgence on my part…

Gavin based this on Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty’s brilliant book, The Manual: How to Have a Number One Hit the Easy Way, step by step instructions for creating a hit record. Use the link to read the reviews on Amazon if you want to find out more about it.

As with the original, the instructions are completely believable. The only difference being that the KLF did make hit records, but Gavin never actually won the street comp in Munster — though he did many other surprising things in that town.

In the summer of 91 just about the coolest thing to be would be the world’s greatest street skater. Imagine your delight if you got first place at the Münster World Cup. If you obey the following instructions it will be you coming first — and all in 30 days. This is not a con: it’s a process of self discovery. You can do it. You can be that skater. Read on…
This year the Münster World Cup takes place between the 18th and the 21st of July, so this plan should be put into effect on June 22nd and must be followed in every detail.
Day 1: Saturday, 22nd June. Go to your nearest skate shop and purchase the following: Useless Wooden Toys, Not the New H Street Video (although if there are any newer videos with lots of street, buy them instead), the latest Transworld and the latest R.a.D.
Do not worry about any cost incurred: your 1st prize cheque will cover these expenses and more in 30 days time. Tell everyone in the shop that you’re going to be the world’s best street skater next month. They will laugh, and so will you: at this stage you’ll think you’re playing a game in a magazine. You are, but this is a game with a winner — you.
Go home; spend Saturday night however you wish.
Day 2: Sunday, 23rd June. Go skating with your usual skate friends, session your local spots, relax. As the day draws to an end tell everyone that they won’t be seeing you for a while — you’re going to win Münster. Ride off meaningfully into the distance.
Set your alarm for 7.00 am.
Day 3: Monday, 24th June. Get up, open the window, breath the air in through your mouth and out through your nose. Marvel at the sun and the morning sky. You can do it. (I’m afraid however that you will need a certain level of physical fitness. But the standard is low: ten press-ups followed by ten sit-ups should do it. These you must do every morning from now on.)
Place a video recorder and tv in your room. Put a chair four feet in front of it. Sit on the chair with your feet placed on your deck. Watch the videos you purchased. Watch them again and again. While you watch, your feet will be dying to play with your deck. You must resist. This will be a torture but must be endured. Your mind will be in agony: you’re watching some of the raddest skating ever seen and your brain will be automatically sending signals to your feet and hands — Grab! Pop! No! You must resist: you must watch the tapes again and again.
Learn. Your chair is a cage, your room a prison, the television a torturer, the deck your ball and chain. When you’ve gone beyond exhaustion, turn the telly off, lay your deck in your bed, lay down. Lights out.
Day 4: Tuesday, 25th June. Today it’s back to skating. Today you try everything. Today you get up and skate everything and everywhere to the point of exhaustion. Today you relieve yesterday’s tensions.
Try everything you can remember three times or more. Kickflip handrails, Ollies to nose wheelies over picnic tables — that sort of thing. Today you get demoralised, dishevelled and degraded. You see your current limitations. You realise you are not as they are on the videos — yet.
Go home, have a bath, go to bed. You will not be skating again for three days. (This will come to seem a blessing.)
Days 5-7: Wednesday 26th – Friday 28th June Now the regime really starts. for the next three days you’re going to be watching your videos and reading your magazines. You’re going to train your mind. You’re going to analyse each frame. You’re going to write down every

Next Page: How to be the Worlds Greatest Street Skater – Get up and Skate Everywhere to the Point of Exhaustion